Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
