I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
