remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize