At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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