Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
