I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm always down for nudity.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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