I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
