You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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