My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
