I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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