peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize