dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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