I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
