i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
