my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
