Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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