It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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