There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
