Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
