I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
