wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
