He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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