I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
