i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
