I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
