Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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