we made out on top of his cat.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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