im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
