so let's talk penis.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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