Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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