omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Couch. On fire.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
