Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
