Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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