Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
