i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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