just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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