it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
