We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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