Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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