Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
