I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
