What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
