she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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