There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
