I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
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