She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
