Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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