After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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