Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Randomize
