She is in my trunk
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
