Soap is not a condiment
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
