You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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