Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
