im drinking this country out of the recession.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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