his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
