HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
