there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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