do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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