okay pat passed out under dana's car
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
