you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
