Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
