weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
