I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
