Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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