What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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