i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
