And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She's the barista slut.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
