I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
