either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
