Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
