Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
