Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
