I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize