i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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