You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
