you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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