I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
