He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
