hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
