This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
