I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
