turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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